


Under the Stars

by Sasswarrior



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Cancer, Death, F/M, Poetry, Sad, Sad Story, Ship, kaider, kinder - Freeform, some trigger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23074063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasswarrior/pseuds/Sasswarrior
Summary: It's been six months since Kai and Cinder got engaged, and the wedding is fast approaching. Everyone is excited for the day; that is, until Cinder is given 21 days left to live.This story will be told entirely from Kai's point of view in poetry form. The chapters will be short.All of the characters belong to Marissa Meyer.I'm going to warn you all now that this story is not a happy one. If you don't like that, then don't read it. Also, it's whack and way different than my normal stuff. Plus it doesn't make sense. Are you getting why I didn't post it for two years?
Relationships: Crescent Moon "Cress" Darnel/Carswell Thorne, Jacin Clay/Winter Hayle-Blackburn, Kai/Carswell Thorne, Kai/Linh Cinder, Linh Cinder/Carswell Thorne, Scarlet Benoit/Wolf | Ze'ev Kesley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Preface

Hi guys! I'm anxious and excited to share this with you all. This story, _Under the Stars_ , was written over two years ago, during a rather trying time in my life. I often use writing as a release, so the theme of my works often coincide with my internal feelings. While this story was written at the same time as _Played for a Fool_ , that story was plotted and took eleven months to complete. This one, on the other hand, was written in a single day. Yep, 2018 New Years Days was no bueno for me, so I wrote this.

Anyhow, that's not important. This whole little "Preface" is for me to explain what you are about to get yourself into. Let's begin.

As you probably read in the story description, this is a Kaider fic (I mean, duh, I wrote it) that takes place six months after _Stars Above_. It's told through the form of poetry (if that's what you want to call it). I know. Who actually does that? A weird emo child, that's who.

I also mentioned that this was written in 2018, and as some of you (I guess it depends on when you read this) know, it's 2020. That's quite some time to have a weird fic sitting on your Wattpad. I know that. I honestly wasn't ever planning on publishing, but I decided (after a little nudge), why the heck not? It's not like it will do me any harm.

So, here we are today, with me finally publishing this whacko fic. You're most welcome.

Before we begin, let me just clear a few things up. Since originally writing this story two years ago, I have fixed some grammatical errors, though I have kept the plot entirely the same. While I did fix some of my past mistakes, there are still many for artistic reasons, so if it's incorrect, I know— I intended it to be that way. I also debated changing the ending (it's quite dark) but decided that I wanted to keep the integrity of my original work. So, let me warn you now: there are definitely triggers. If you can't handle that, then don't read. I won't be offended at all! This story is not happy. (Do I ever write happy?) It has a lot to do with me, coping with my own grief. I had a lot going on, and well, I projected in a whacko way. That's that.

Alright, so now we're ready to begin! For you insane fools that decide to actually read this, let me just formally apologize now. Sorry. Okay, now I feel good about this. Let's go!

(One last thing: if you want to get the full experience of this, listen to the song "Cancer" by MCR. I am not kidding when I say that the entirety of this story was written while I listened to that song. So, I don't know— maybe listen to it.)


	2. Prologue

_When we were under the stars,_   
_we were free_   
_to fall or to fly;_   
_but while I was falling_   
_in love with her,_   
_and the beauty she brought,_   
_she was flying_   
_far, far away,_   
_never giving me the chance_   
_to say the words I wanted to._   
_Because while I was falling,_   
_she was flying;_   
_and now it's just me,_   
_under the stars,_   
_while she flies_   
_through the galaxy._


	3. Twenty-one Days

_All the flowers blossomed,_  
 _making for an artistic flare_  
 _and a romantic air_ —  
 _perfect for our blooming passion._

_Sunshine flooded the floor,_   
_painting the world in light;_   
_but for all the beauty surrounding_   
_she stood out as a star on the darkest night._

_I will always pause to stare_   
_at the way the light melts the brown of her eyes_   
_making for a twinkle_   
_and a mischievous guise._

_We walk together in synchronization,_   
_all laughter and love sprinkling the air._   
_Everything seems perfect_   
_until everything falls._

_Falls apart_   
_falls down_   
_falls to the depths of the universe_   
_falling, falling, falling._

_Everything ends in that moment_   
_as the light fades from her eyes_   
_and she slumps to the floor_   
_everything completely wrong within a moment._

_I yell for help,_  
 _plead for rescue,_  
 _beg for mercy_ —  
 _but all is in vain._

_My arms encircle her frame_   
_her extremities make for no burden_   
_for all my thoughts are worried_   
_living in fear of death._

_The pale green silk of her gown flutters_   
_my arms begin to tremble_   
_all my mind is quaking_   
_I think the world is about to end._

_People begin to whisper_ —  
 _sirens start to blare._  
 _She is taken away from me._  
They steal her away from me.

_Hours come and go_   
_while the cold metal waiting chairs_   
_bite my skin_   
_and the tile burns my pacing feet._

_Time swims by in a trance_   
_while my lucid thoughts race_   
_and all of this seems pointless—_   
_life has lost its purpose._

_And then the man in white comes out—_   
_he delivers his news._   
_My knees quake_   
_and my world truly ends._

_My love, my dearest has run out of time_ —  
 _lost all her days;_  
 _forgotten how to be a living soul;_  
 _abandoned her breath for all but twenty-one days._

_Twenty-one days of illness._   
_Twenty- one days of agony._   
_Twenty-one days 'till the stars fall to earth._   
_Twenty-one days before the end of it all._


	4. Shattered Window

_The man who used to always smile_   
_lost the ability to do just so_   
_as his eyes fill with tears_   
_and his voice flows as a broken croak._

_We embrace like brothers,_   
_united in our loss;_   
_shards of broken glass_   
_from the same shattered window._

_No one is allowed to see her;_   
_it's been hours, and I long to hold her hand_   
_to whisper that I love her—_   
_beg her to stay._

_The girl with yellow hair whimpers_   
_and she holds my love's best friend._   
_They comfort one another,_   
_but I have to comfort myself._

_This world is vacant and lonely now,_   
_for the girl I love is leaving,_   
_running off into a bleeding sunset—_   
_sinking into death's choking waters._

_My not-father attempts to get me to sleep_  
 _the not-girl tells me to eat._  
 _But my not-wife is dying,_  
 _and I will_ not _leave her._

 _So I sit on the cold chairs,_  
 _and pace the hard floors_  
 _as the friends come and go_ —  
 _as they all come and go._

_When the hand has rotated_   
_three times around_   
_the doctor tells me to come,_   
_just me, the comfortless comforter._

_The sound of my footsteps_   
_echoes with the beat of my racing heart,_   
_counting all my prayers_   
_with its constant metronome._

_And then it's the door_ —  
 _and then it's my love_ —  
 _and then it's all my sadness_ —  
 _and then it's all over._


	5. Ending World

_The girl is pale ash,_   
_not burning cinders._

_She is falling stars,_   
_and dying sunsets._

_Everything hurts,_   
_but all is numb._

_And it's like the world is ending;_   
_and it's like the world is ending._

_All the colors are broken;_   
_every word is unspoken._

_The night bleeds into the day_   
_and I just want the light to stay._

_But the clock has struck midnight;_   
_the moon is the only daylight._

_I can't go on without her;_   
_there is no happily ever after._

_Comfortless is the comforter;_   
_undead is the dying._

_Her hands hold no life,_   
_both metal and flesh._

_No chocolate eyes to greet me,_   
_or smile filled with mischief._

_All the sparks are gone;_   
_every light has been unlit._

_But I will not allow my love_   
_to bear death alone._

_So I sit down in the burning chair_   
_and allow death to taste my words._

_I hold the hand that once scared me—_   
_I kiss it, and hold it fast._

_And then I fall asleep beside her,_   
_my dreams are only of her._


	6. Final Embrace

_When I awake, my head is beside her,_   
_resting upon the bed of death_   
_knowing that she is sleeping—_   
_waiting for her final breath._

_But there her eyes are,_   
_gentle and calm_   
_and sad_   
_and dying._

_She whispers words meant to comfort,_   
_each coming out as a rasp,_   
_a gasp—_   
_silent cries of agony_

_And I cry for the girl who cannot;_   
_my tears wet both our faces,_   
_my kisses scarring her lips_   
_with my pleas for her to stay._

_When we have both cried our fill,_   
_we hold one another._   
_And I know—_   
_we both know—_   
_that this could be the last time._

_This could be the final embrace._


	7. Lost, Alone, and Forgotten

_I talk to the boy_   
_with the cocky grin,_   
_but instead of a smile_   
_there's a whisky on the rocks._   
_And he's crying,_   
_all alone._

_The girl with the blonde locks_   
_is gone,_   
_nowhere to be found,_   
_having left—_   
_abandoned her love—_   
_not staying for the round._

_But the girl with no heart_   
_is broken:_   
_unfixable,_   
_catatonic,_   
_silent,_   
_dying._

_A mad girl screams and cries,_   
_her tears tracing threefold_   
_down her cheeks:_   
_blooming red_   
_for the blood long forgotten,_   
_the blood soon to be lost_

_A wolf in man's skin sits mutely,_   
_lost for words,_   
_lost of a queen,_   
_freed of his country,_   
_freed of his friend—_   
_forgotten by his savior_

_Fire and fire_   
_burns just as bright,_   
_but the silence of sadness_   
_is lost to the night._   
_And the girl of red_   
_is now a girl of blue._

_But the stoic man_   
_shows no care—_   
_aside from the tear_   
_that comes from nowhere._   
_The loss that destroys_   
_and a friend left behind._


	8. The Soliloquy of a Dying Lover

_"Forget me, love,_   
_and love again._   
_For I am not long for the world_   
_and you need a friend,_   
_an empress_   
_a ruler_   
_a wife—_   
_a life with no end._

_"Forget me, dear emperor,_   
_for I am a queen—_   
_already a ruler,_   
_reigner of dreams._   
_An admirer of death,_   
_an accomplice of fate._   
_You can find another,_   
_another lover, my love._

_"Forget me, my friend,_   
_my dearest acquaintance_   
_who saved me from monsters_   
_and held me when frail._   
_The endearing beholder_   
_of my wary trail;_   
_my dearest companion,_   
_my loveliest one._

_"Forget me, young boy_   
_for you have much life to lead;_   
_My memory will only_   
_keep you from flying free._   
_Abandon me, dear lover,_   
_and sail off to sea—_   
_I'll love you forever,_   
_but please, forget me."_


	9. Gone Going Gone

_Fourteen days remain;_   
_two weeks;_   
_three hundred and thirty-six hours;_   
_twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty seconds;_   
_and then she's gone._

_I stay by her every minute,_   
_never letting her suffer the pain alone:_   
_the agony of dying,_   
_burning up from_   
_all the fire within her brain—_   
_for that's how she describes it._

_Seven years of isolations._   
_Seven years of learning._   
_Seven years of destruction._

_Those seven years are haunting_ —  
 _because that's what the doctors say_ _._

_They claim_   
_that the fire_   
_stems from all those years_   
_in that basement;_   
_in the tank;_   
_outside of the world—_   
_unable to develop properly,_   
_not allowed to learn_ _._

_I ask them if they can fix it_ —  
 _to try anything._  
 _they say there is nothing._

_No chance._   
_She is gone._

_She will be going._

She is gone.


	10. Something Forgotten

_She asks our friends_   
_to say goodbye_   
_during some of her lucid_   
_moments._

_For a minute_   
_when the fire is gently smoking_   
_instead of raging_   
_within her mind._

_She wants to speak words of comfort,_   
_parting lullabies_   
_to comfort the tears,_   
_and heal the broken hearts_ _._

_I don't know what she says,_   
_or how much she hurts._   
_But tears flow freely_   
_from the eyes of all our friends_ _._

_Everyone who fought._   
_Everyone who tried._   
_Everyone who gave._   
_And everyone who loved._

_She says goodbye to them,_   
_giving one last moment of comprehension,_   
_a second of parting grief._   
_One final word to ease the tension._

_And then she speaks to me,_   
_her eyes dark,_   
_her skin fading,_   
_her mind degrading._

_She tells me to stay with her_ —  
 _but also to forget_ _._

 _She begs me to forever love her_ —  
 _but never mourn_ _._

 _She cries unshed tears,_  
 _and holds me_  
tight.

_As if to remember_   
_something forgotten._


	11. The Girl

_"I love you,"_   
_she whispers,_   
_her lips tickling_   
_my ear—_   
_her voice tearing_   
_my soul._

_"I love you,"_   
_she sings,_   
_the song pulling_   
_my heart—_   
_the words reviving_   
_my faith._

_"I love you,"_   
_she cries,_   
_the madness killing_   
_my sanity—_   
_the regret destroying_   
_my humanity._

_"I love you,"_  
 _she says,_  
 _the hope tormenting_  
 _my existence—_  
 _the girl ravishing_  
me.


	12. Remember Remember

_A night_   
_of escape—_   
_to live_   
_one last time._

_We lay_   
_under the stars,_   
_gazing at her home_   
_and its gentle glow._

_She knows I'm me,_   
_and I know she's her;_   
_But it's different._

_The world has changed:_   
_her memories_   
_are_ _fading_   
_into_ _nothing_   
_and everything._

_But her eyes remain_   
_the same shade—_   
_all the gentle softness._

_And her lips still whisper_   
_the words of_ _love_   
_and_ _comfort._

_The softest kisses._   
_arms around_   
_one another_   
_to comfort_   
_and remember—_   
_remember._

Remember

_She is forgetting_   
_sleeping_   
_dying._

_She is flying_  
 _leaving_   
_soaring_  
 _pleading._

_Her eyes cry without tears_   
_and lips scream_   
_without sound._

_But I hear_

_All the pain_   
_and wish it would leave_   
_just for this moment_   
_as we lay_   
_under the stars._


	13. Broken

_Our days disappear,_   
_sinking into the depths_   
_of time_   
_and space_   
_and death._

_Twenty-one turns to ten;_   
_a girl reduced to broken bones._

_Five:_   
_a girl of broken spirits._

_Four:_   
_a girl of broken hearts._

_Three:_   
_a girl of broken minds._

_Two:_   
_a girl of broken lives._

_One:_   
_a girl of broken._


	14. One Last Time

_Her eyes opened one last time_   
_to look at mine,_   
_blink at me,_   
_smile at my soul—_

_And then they closed forever._


	15. Cold

_Both her hands_   
_are cold._   
_That is the first thing that I notice._

_Skin and metal,_   
_matching one another:_   
_dead in their form._

_The Doctors say words_   
_but in another language_   
_I cannot understand._   
_So I don't listen._

_I ignore_   
_the world_   
_and focus_   
_on her._

_I hold_  
 _my_ life  
 _D E A D_  
 _in my arms_

_I cry_   
_CryCryCry_

_And tell her things_   
_I've said before,_   
_and things_   
_that she won't forget._

_But she has already forgotten_   
_EarthMoonStars_

_BreathingBloodLife_

_LivingLovingMe_

_She is gone_

_A girl run away_   
_a life of stars_   
_a spirit of the moon_   
_the girl_   
_the_ _mechanic_   
_the queen_   
_my love_   
_is gone_   
_forever_   
_and ever._


	16. Dreams of Death

_The friends weep_

_and whisper_

_They comfort_

_they hold_

_Each comes_

_all go_

_But I stay_

_a l o n e_

_The old man_

_who is not my father_

_Holds me_

_as if I am his son_

_All his breath_

_touches my ears_

_But flees_

_my mind_

_I am an empty shell_

_a broken mirror_

_And a sky_

_with no stars_

_For I have no wishes of life_

_and only dreams of death._


	17. Black

_Black:_   
_it's all black_   
_ink and silk and ink_   
_and black_

_All is black and dark_   
_and black and dark_

_It's all hurt:_   
_hurt and pain and hurt_   
_and pain_

_And the world is black_   
_BlackBlackBlack_

_sadness_   
_raincoats_   
_cloudy skies_   
_crying rainbows_   
_darkened heavens_   
_dying sunsets_

_all of it is black_   
_and black and black and black_

_I don't like the black_

_Or the empty_   
_and this feeling_   
_of dying_   
_of wanting to die_   
_of dying_

But it's all I feel.


	18. Screams and Cries

_She holds me lovingly_   
_in her arms_   
_with laughter in her lungs_   
_and life in her eyes._

_Her voice is happy_   
_and her hands are strong_   
_her mind clean_   
_her thoughts dry._

_But then she is crying_   
_her tears dark as night_   
_all black_   
_trails of death._

_And then my eyes open_   
_to black_   
_night_   
_BlackBlackBlack_

_Screams and cries_   
_cries and screams._

_I scream and cry_   
_all my dreams_   
_every hope_   
_every wish_   
_the last of my_   
_broken dreams._


	19. Run Away

_I am asked to speak_   
_on behalf of the girl who died_

_I decline_   
_and I stay inside_

_My advisor, my friend_   
_tells me I can no longer command_

_I say no words_   
_NowordsNowords_

_Instead I hide_   
_away from the monster_   
_the ghosts_   
_the dead_

_I run away_   
_hoping that I will be left_   
_all alone_

_forever f o r g o t t e n_

_I speak in the tongue of angels_   
_with wingless creatures I once knew_   
_once loved_   
_but know no longer_

_My eyes see visions_   
_of dead lovers_   
_grieving ghosts_   
_I know they aren't there_

_The sounds of forgotten lullabies_   
_whistle in the dark_   
_like a broken music box_   
_brought back to life_

_And I no longer care if_ _I_ _live or die_   
_I no longer care if I live or_   
_I no longer care if I live_   
_I no longer want to live_   
_all alone_   
_in this world_


	20. The End

_my name is shouted_   
_throughout the halls_   
_but they will not find me_   
_not with the blood_   
_on my head and arms_

_i am a ghost to them_   
_a dream to be_   
_the king of nightmares_   
_an emperor of sleep_

_i roam the night_   
_searching for the place_   
_where i last held my love_   
_in our final embrace_

_the ending of whispers_   
_a quieting of screams_   
_my mind is alive_   
_with sounds unknown to me_

_and i have to get out_   
_out out and away_

_i have to escape_   
_i need to breathe_

breathe

_what is breathe?_   
_is air even a thing?_   
_is life just a consequence?_   
_a spirit of springs?_

_springs_  
s _unsets_ s _pirits_ t _hings_

 _madness_  
m _onarchy_ d _isease_ d _isease_

_life_   
_is a disease_   
_and the only cure_   
_is death_

_so i must run_   
_for salvation_   
_escape from_   
_the illness_

run

_i run_   
_until my breath is gone_

_i collapse_   
_under a tree_   
_i look up_   
_up at the stars_

_i gaze at the constellations_   
_wondering if my lover lies within them_

_my thoughts wander_   
_to my friends_   
_my family_   
_my people_

_they will find me_   
_they won't find me_   
_they will find me_   
_they won't find me_

_they will find me_

_but_ _they won't find me_

_for i will make my bed here_

_with the smell of blossoms_  
and blood  
 _and a bed of green_  
 _as I gaze up at the sea of stars_  
 _and i am alone_  
 _drifting away_  
 _falling asleep_  
 _under the stars_


End file.
